Killing Time

After killing penalties at a poor 78.8% success rate last season, the Caps coaching staff is apparently changing the penalty kill. Gone will be the passive, " if we make them pass it one too many times, maybe they'll mess up" defense of Alex Semin's offensive zone stick work man-down situations. This season's penalty kill will be aggressive and will challenge those with the puck.

 

Here are some of the modifications to the Caps penalty kill this season:

• A small electrode has been added to Top Poti's stick that will shock him if he holds onto the puck instead of clearing it immediately.
• With the loss of Shaone Morrisonn via free agency, the Caps will have taught their younger defensemen how to deflect pucks into their own net.
• The Caps will have someone stand at the top of the left faceoff dot when playing New Jersey, leading to retaliation penalites when Ilya Kovalchuk starts yelling "They can't stand there! That's my ****ing spot!"
• Each Caps player has been taking shot-blocking lessons from goalie coach Arturs Irbe. The players are really starting to listen to Irbe: Alex Ovechkin has been seen hand-stitching up the holes in all his Dolce & Gabbana jeans.
• Alex Semin will be asked to clear pucks on the penalty kill this season, since he showed he could dump the puck long distance directly at opposing goaltenders in last year's playoffs.
• When playing the Penguins, the Caps penalty kill scheme will be the 'let them pass it for 2 full minutes and miss the net on the one shot they take' system.
• At the start of every power play, Semyon Varlamov will be replaced with Michael Neuvirth. Statistically, it's the right thing to do.
• Just before the puck is dropped, someone will tell Brooks Laich that the other team works for HBO and was walking on the ice.