Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Commercial Break

In the announcement from the Washington Capitals indicating postponement of the annual Season Ticket Holder Party, one bullet (probably the one that will upset the most fans) jumped out at me:
The Capitals would like to apologize in advance as Alex Ovechkin and Semyon Varlamov will not be in attendance on this date due to a previously scheduled commitment.  Both players will be at the ESPN headquarters in Bristol, Connecticut, shooting a TV commercial for ESPN.
Ovie and Varly? Together in an ESPN commercial? While I'm guessing the plot will have something to with being Russian, knowing ESPN it could be absolutely anything. If it's a SportsCenter commercial, it's sure to be comedy gold. Some ideas for the shoot:
  • Ovie and Varly getting ready to take on Lebron and Dwayne Wade in a game of Scrabble, complaining about the lack of Cyrillic tiles.
  • Alex painting Varly's new mask with butterflies and bunnies. Varly is ecstatic.
  • Varly shooting pucks at Ovie (in Varly's gear) while laughing manically and yelling 'FIVE HOLE!' over and over again.
  • Ovie, Varly and Barry Melrose discussing how The Death of Ivan Ilyich is a methaphor for the left wing lock.
  • Ovechkin: "Russian machine never breaks!" Varlamov: "I'm Russian, and I break..." Ovechkin: "Are you sure you're Russian?"
  • Ovie working with Varly on his English, having him repeat the phrase 'I'm Siiiicck!' over and over again.
  • Ovie jumping against ESPN office windows while Varly holds up scorecards. None of them are over an '8'.
  • Ovie, Varly, Crosby and Fleury discussing warm clothing options for the Winter Classic. Ovie keeps recommending feather boas to Sid.
  • Ovie and Varly as SportsCenter anchors, showing only hockey highlights while Stuart Scott and Steve Levy are tied up in the corner.

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